ADULT PETER (V. O.)

For ten more nights I pumped Arcinella, bailing her out, keeping her afloat, but I did what Captain Mac had done, leaving more water in her bilge each night, and on the tenth night . . .

ADULT PETER (CONT’D., V. O.)

. . . I said goodbye and walked away.

INT. ARCINELLA’S BILGE. EXTREME CLOSEUP. We can see the water rising, ever so slowly, but rising.

INT. BABBINGTON HIGH. A HALLWAY. BETWEEN CLASSES.

RASKOL

(passing Peter)

Hey . . . Captain Mac’s old boat sank.  Right at the dock.  I heard the guys who bought her from you aren’t even going to bother bringing her up.

INT. THE LEROY FAMILY DINING ROOM. Thanksgiving dinner is over. Peter and Ella and PETER’S GRANDMOTHER are clearing dishes from the table. Peter’s father and GRANDFATHER are getting up from the table and heading for the living room.

ALL (AD LIB)

That was delicious.  I shouldn’t have had that third piece of pie.  It was the best turkey ever, wasn’t it? (etc.)

INT. THE LEROY KITCHEN. AN HOUR OR SO LATER. Peter and Ella are finishing the dishes. 

ELLA

I’d like to see her.

EXT. PATTI’S HOUSE. Ella and Peter arrive. Patti runs to the car and gets in. The three of them drive off.

EXT. ARCINELLA’S SLIP.  They walk to the edge of the bulkhead, where they look down through the murky water at Arcinella’s graceful shape and muted pastels.  

PETER

(mostly to himself)

With a few dozen inner tubes and an air hose we could probably raise her.

ELLA

She gave us quite a ride.

PETER

Yeah, quite a ride.

PATTI

She blew me up, she really did.

PETER

She was truly inflationary . . . a gasser . . . a jet pump!

PATTI

(impulsively)

A blow job!

ELLA

(sobering, shivering)

Oh, I loved it all!

(heading for the car)

But do you know what was the very best?

PATTI

The day we were lost in the fog?

PETER

The day when Dad . . .

(then embarrassed, shy)

I don’t know.  What was the best part?

INT. ELLA’S OLD CAR.

ELLA

For me . . . it was the night Mr. Lodkochnikov sailed with us.  He really enjoyed himself!

ELLA (CONT’D.)

He even ate the sandwiches. . . . He ate them all!

EXT. THE ROAD BESIDE THE RIVER. We see Ella’s old car going away as, surprisingly, snow begins to fall.  The car vanishes in the gently falling snow, vanishing into the past, and another car pulls into the frame from behind and stops at Arcinella’s slip, arriving from the present.  Adult Peter and Albertine get out of the car, walk to the edge of the bulkhead, and look down into the water.

ADULT PETER

(reminiscing)

I probably could have.

ALBERTINE

What?

ADULT PETER

Raised her with inner tubes.

INT. PETER AND ALBERTINE’S CAR. With Albertine at the wheel, they begin the drive from Babbington back home to Manhattan.

ADULT PETER

Once my mother had succeeded with the lunch launch, she couldn’t fail.  She’d done the trick: she’d inflated a dog.  After that it was easy.  She ran one little business after another, and they all did well.  

ADULT PETER (CONT’D.)

The week my father spent on the boat changed him.  He quit the garage and became her assistant, her sidekick. He admired her from then on . . . forever after.

ADULT PETER (CONT’D.)

Patti considered the question about my paternity closed, so she went back to dating thugs. 

ADULT PETER (CONT’D.)

About a year later, she dropped out of school.  She sang in a doo-wop group that never made it, Little Patti and the Sexpots.

ADULT PETER (CONT’D.)

She never got very far, but she still performs . . .

(with mischief in his eye)

Want to go out tonight?

INT. THE SILVER HOUND, A LOUNGE IN MANHATTAN, THAT EVENING. Peter and Albertine make their way to a table.  Patti Fiorenza, now 40-something, but still sexy, is on a small stage, finishing a number.  A ripple of applause.  Patti acknowledges it with a nod.  Then . . .

PATTI

This is for a friend of mine.

When you dance,
Be sure to hold her, hold her tight.
When you dance,
Squeeze her, yeah, with all your might.
Such a thrill,
Oh, when she’s close to you.
Hold her tight,
When you dance.
(doo wop a dooby dooby doo wop)
When you dance,
You’ll feel the warmth of her embrace.
Then you’ll know
This feeling, yeah, is no disgrace.
Such a thrill,
Oh, when she’s close to you.
Hold her tight,
When you dance.
(etc.)
 

You'll find more swell ideas from Candi Lee here.

Copyright © 2001 by Eric Kraft
Registered with the Writers Guild of America East in 2001 

The screenplay for Inflating a Dog is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, dialogues, settings, and businesses portrayed in it are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. 

All rights reserved. No part of this teleplay may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. 

The illustration at the top of the page is an adaptation of an illustration by Stewart Rouse that first appeared on the cover of the August 1931 issue of Modern Mechanics and Inventions. The boy at the controls of the aerocycle doesn’t particularly resemble Peter Leroy—except, perhaps, for the smile.